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The Ginger Child's Journal  In the early morning rolling on two am past memories flood my mind they sting my eyes , shoot pain into my chest how could this happen? wewere suppose to last I was suppose to be your escape you promise i wouldnt become like the others you lied. you fed me sweet words i thought were true till you undid those damn three words now im in peices I cant hide it this time. The others , meaning nothing, yet you do Waiting in the corner for something thats never to be again Because i cant forget your soothing voice , your arms locked around me or those eyes i fell into you locked me out , i dont know why im lost in confusion Only one thing will be for sure if those words ever become true im here waiting in the shadows for you to shed light on me to dry these damn tears... until then i will play pretend as if everythings ok as if i still have a heart to give when its stolen and broken under your feet under your words Everythings floating away on the seas roll with the lightning strike and all i can do is wave and all i can do is smile anything else is unacceptable because you told me so fuck it. fuck everyone. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck im out. four unforgiving walls with unforgiving words written in stone closing in fast breath becomes short did you just say that? walls closing in writing on the wall clear as walls combine this panic room has me suffocating no door in sight no windows to shed light just darkness and the luminous words shining through the dark replaying in my eyes replaying in my mind confusion washes over a lost mind why does this pain exist ? heart racing , no breath to take it shouldn't be like this lost a chance lost my voice losing my heart as shadows swallow what little soul left words never said shine in my mind as words on the wall those damn words mocking me , degrading me Let go gave you as you wish no fight no trouble why am i still locked in this god forsaken room getting smaller by the minuet getting darker by the moment nowhere to run no denying no choice i gotta face this but the shine of those words sewn my eyes shut stole my voice iv given up the glow makes shadows recede though its intensity has me captured these feelings cutting me with the shards of a mirror that once held forced to face it again pride has left long ago with the first rain that fell value has decrease with the first word limbs cant move no movement attainable best to wait it out though time is no essence to these glowing words though pain is no concern to these glowing words though tears is nothing to concrete walls..... Current mood:  depressed.Current music: alexz johnson - still love you. today was one of my better days got kidnapped round 9 by alina n mike met up with ppl at ihop then me n collin chilled i dragged him to shoprite n i wet with him plaes s well then as soon as i get home marissa kidnaps me kolhs then hannafords got steve on the way ok day though did relize some things i didnt want to but not dwelling it is what it is sacrafices are always made Tides ripple in and out As feeling come and go Looking out onto an ocean so blue makes me feel at home To feel so small Against the tide is comforting as silly as it seems Rushing waves come over me I dont try to swim Just letting the tide sweep me away Letting fate be Something changes Its harder to breath I feel i just have to run To wheres unknown I feel i just have to go Why is unknown Dont know what to do lost in thoughts of you Lost in thought of me Lost in thoughts of nothing Torn between running till i lose strength or Letting the tide that i admire so eat me whole disapearing from a world so cold Face it Nothing changes but the seasons Nothing matters youll always belive In my veins yearns to trust yearns to listen yearns to protect What i live for gets me caught in a tide get me drowning in silence Though i cant help but smile So till i run So till i drown ill take the blame ill listen openly ill give everything if it will create a smile. Current mood:  amused.
Ah so my day has consisted of going to the gym rom 9 am - 2 pm hung with marii at the pool . my knuckles are a lovley purple thanks to my inability to kno when to stop. came home slept ironically lol. talked ont he phone with someone whos becoming a very very good friends. hmmm now sitting hee thinking and a lil overwhelmed . its so haard to hang with all the people i care bout ...now their going to college or now their working 24/7 and for some reason i feel like im not moving foward. guess im just shadow . watever ,hmm wondering how certain things are going to work out. Person not talking to me, one doent seem to care,, one seems to care and other is wtf . so yeh . alot going to chaange this year basically cuz what held me baack from doing stupi shit and what not wont be here . lonley year coming up ...... I really dont fucking understnd people at all. Im slowly loosing all trust in them and the baad part is those i ave no trut in i still respect. Why ? No fucking clue. honestly though its like you cant be nice aand try to befriend anyone with out an ulterior motive. Its stupid and ridiculous... If you know me well you know its very haard to piss me off and i ike to be friends with everyone . Latley all it seems im good for is being used . Im friendly and it bite me in the ass , the fact i hate saying no doesn't help.You know whats bad is I dont even give a fuck as long as people a happy who gives fuck if im being used , sadly i would do anything to make a friend happy but idk sometimes its just like wow, so this is all im good for hmm. but so what as long as its not for nothing and as Long as my friends are happy right? but then their are assholes who fucking have to try and ruin the ONLY GOOD THINGI HAVE.. and this is so stupid i meaan you cant tke hints, then you ignore e saying no and you o for it anyway ..... all i have to say is its amazing how one second fucked my entire night up and how ill probably be fucked for a while ....gr just seems like people are becoming ess trustworthy .... born to loose Current mood:  pissed off.
wow...graduation is done. most of my friends are moving on to better things makes me see how empty this place is going to become carmel may have been my home but i relized me friends are what made it home and now that their leaving i guess one by one carmels seemingly less my home true enough i have more friends and i cherish them as much as possible for any one person but its just every year more move more leave and it seem empty here now i wish everyone the best of luck and im just wondering if well truly all keep in touch i hope so. it truly goes fast but theres more to come so CONGRATS SENIOR CLASS 08 <3 yeh today im sooo happy dont know why. hmm also worried eh shit happeneds hung with marii and chris then kidnapped noah ^.^ glad i actually got to see him before i leave tomarrow. reminded me how happy i get with him and to all those who knows what iv been worring about lately fuck it . If its an allusion then let me pretend a lil longer <3 today was okay kinda boring hoping someone calls....really worried bout him. hmm going upstate tomarrow and thank god i need to get out of this fucking house going to do reality check stuffs and more hope my groups cool lets hope i dont scar them for life shall we ? ~candace havent posted in a long time so yeh sarahs party was fun got thrown into the pool thigered i cant swim hmm drownings fun yeh so pointless ranting kinda pissed off on the phone with shawn "do ded ode dodod" yeh so stupid shit same day still just wantin gto run away oh yeh i can rythm ok bye bye shawns a loser btw <3 |
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